Mommy Guilt

If you are a mom, chances are you have experienced mommy guilt a time or two and if not- what is wrong with you??? Just kidding...you will soon.  For those of you that aren’t moms yet this post is still for you.  I never knew about mom guilt prior to having kid(s) and wished I’d known such a thing existed. I'm not saying it would have prevented my feelings of inadequacy, but at least I would have been a bit more prepared.

Mom(my) guilt- The act of feeling guilty because you can’t do anything and everything 100% of the time to make your kids, husband, boss, friends and dogs happy.  Okay, maybe not the dogs because let’s face it, we all know they are the first to lose you when the baby comes.  But in all seriousness there are times (maybe once every few weeks) that I feel I am shortchanging Alexa, Ian or my friends because of something that someone says to me or does.   
My first true experience of mom guilt was a short time after I had returned to work.  Alexa starting waking up to nurse multiple times a night after she had been STTN for weeks and in an effort to figure out what was going on I turned to Facebook.   My post was answered by lots of other moms telling me their babies had done the same thing.  They said that it went on for a few months and that that eventually the baby went back on schedule. I was surprised…A FEW MONTHS??  What can I do to nip that in the butt!  But then another comment told me that Alexa was trying to make up for lost time with me since she was missing it during the day.  Ok….break my heart why don’t you!!!   I immediately felt SO guilty and learned from a friend that I was experiencing mommy guilt and to get used to it!




In the past week I have had multiple conversations with other moms, some new, and others more experienced and it is the same across the board.  As moms we always try to do it all.  To make everyone and everything happy while keeping the house clean, making time with friends and your husband all while working full time (inside or outside of the home) and being a mom full time.  It’s only recently I have decided that it just isn’t possible  As a mom and a wife is it my job to make sure that Ian and Alexa are happy with me 100% of the time?  Before motherhood I would have said YES, but now I say NO!  Don’t get me wrong, I think that 95% of the time Alexa is 100% happy with me, and Ian 90% and those others times they just won’t be and I need to accept that. I think that being a mom, wife, and friend is all about balance and prioritization.  I’m slowly trying to learn what that is for us and for now that involves a cleaning lady, plenty of GNO (girls night out) and date nights.  What will it be in 6 months or a year from now?  I don't know, I think it will always be a work in progress.


Now just because I’ve had my “AHa moment” that doesn’t mean I’ll never experience mom guilt again.  I already have while writing this blog!! Alexa will be 8 months old next month and I am still giving her 95% breast milk, something I really didn’t expect.  I had planned to nurse her but never set any expectations for myself.  When I was pregnant my attitude was, "if it works- ill do it", and lucky for us it has worked.  But it is HARD work and frankly I’m getting tired of it. Lugging my pump stuff to and from work, pumping twice a day, washing twice a day, then needing to pump again at home (morning or night depending). It is exhausting!  But when I think about quitting and not because of low supply, but out of selfishness of having some of my freedom back, I’m faced with the guilt of Alexa getting sick, or missing out on the bonding time that we both love so much!!  Obviously I haven’t come to any decisions, so I’m not stopping anytime soon (as it will be a process) but this is something that I think of often and causes endless amounts of guilt and it hasn’t even happened yet!


Ah, I feel like I just had my own therapy session!  I hope some of you moms reading can relate and will stop being so hard on yourselves. For those moms to be- I hope I didn’t scare you off. Mommy hood remains my #1 greatest accomplishment and brings me the most joy.  Seeing this beautiful face morning, noon and nights makes it ALL WORTH IT!!!

Happy Friday!